Inner Demons

Sky and i have been chatting more recently, this is a boon in my life actually.  Sky is like this colorful gem which sits in the middle of the table and you dont pay much attention to because it is always there, but is magical and really deserves more engagement.
one of the many faces of they enigmatic Mr. Blue

Today we were talking about inner demons.  Sky named that his was this “i dont matter” demon which lead him to hiding in some circumstances and lead him to trying to prove himself in other.  We had been talking about my aversion to meditating, something Sky finds very useful and my general sociophilic tendencies.   Sky mentioned that he thought i was obsessed by doing, rather than just being.  This led me to think that my inner demon might be “i am not doing enuf.”

For those who know me a little, this might seem funny.  The guy who always has an agenda (usually several) and myriad projects and multiple romances and is quick to take on something new (and occasionally mismanaged these things), it would seem like underperformance would not be my issue.  But it probably is.

My dad was big on the idea of Noblesse oblige, the idea that your privilege confers upon you obligations and responsibilities.  Specifically, to be fair and generous and an example of how it is you think the best of us should be behaving. My dad’s father died when he was young and my dad worked hard to reach the significant success he attained.  My circumstances were far more lucky and I likely inherit my inner demon from him.

Identifying it is fully 3% of solving the problem.  And it is the first piece.

About paxus

a funologist, memeticist and revolutionary. Can be found in the vanity bin of Wikipedia and in locations of imminent calamity. buckle up, there is going to be some rough sledding.

One response to “Inner Demons”

  1. Bliss says :

    This particular topic has been on my mind a lot of late, and it’s so far availed great shifts in my ways of being and thinking at a really foundational level. I haven’t done the math on the percentage of its importance in changing overall issues a person has, but I agree that it is the absolutely necessary first step. Once you recognize that little beastie, you see its grubby little fingerprints all over behaviors and thought patterns that you used to think were reasonable. When you start to see things differently, real change starts to happen– yay for positive change!

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