Wolfing versus Foxxing

We dont agree on some definitions and at times this is quite problematic.  The term “wolfing” at Twin Oaks means one of at least two things: 1) The behavior of any member who starts a romantic or sexual relationship with any visitor. 2) The predatory behavior of male members to get typically younger female visitors to have sex with them during their visitor period.

As you can imagine, the difference in the definition matters significantly.  Almost everyone has trouble with the second definition.  Lots of people think it is not a very big deal if a visitor sleeps with a member, it happens often and mostly everyone is happy about it (or at least okay with it). But in the fairly rare case of predatory wolfing, the community goes into a buzz about the behavior.

So i wanted to coin a term to reduce the confusion.  Foxxing is when there is a mutually consented healthy romantic and/or sexual liaison between a member and a visitor.  Wolfing is when a member misuses their power and diminishes consent.

We don’t want to be the sex police.  We don’t want to tell people how to conduct their amorous affairs.  And at times especially women members have felt a need to warn female visitors about wolfing behavior.  And sometimes this has landed strangely and at other times it has confirmed the visitors suspicions and helped get of harms way.

The problem of course is who judges?  I am comfortable putting out a guideline, which might be “Don’t engage in romantic/sexual encounters with visitors if it does not feel mutual and consensual or if it will interfere with their visitor experience significantly.”

And the second condition, this new romance getting in the way of the visitor experience is really only important when the visitor wants to live here.  If someone comes for our three week visitor program and has no intention of living here, then what happens during their visitor period is principally their business.  Should they choose to be looked up every night staring longingly into their new loves eyes, great – have at.  But if the person wants to live here a honeymoon can be toxic to their chances, even if it is a healthy relationship.

There is miles on this, but i will let it go here.  Steve Job’s died and Sarah Palin is not running for president, strange day.



About paxus

a funologist, memeticist and revolutionary. Can be found in the vanity bin of Wikipedia and in locations of imminent calamity. buckle up, there is going to be some rough sledding.

5 responses to “Wolfing versus Foxxing”

  1. Rayne says :

    I really like this distinction, thanks Pax!

  2. Sapphyre says :

    I’m with Rayne – I like the distinction. This post has my head full of questions too so I’ll be looking forward to picking your brain the next time I see you.

  3. Premin says :

    is this only about the men wolfing on the women visitors? from living in the commune in pune i know that the girls there were in as hot persuit on the visitors as the guys – and it is usually a beautiful experience for the visitors, because to make love with someone who meditates is usually quite a different experience.. with love. premin

    • Paxus says :

      Dearest Premin:

      It certainly is not just male members pursuing female visitors. In fact all the gender combinations are at play. But the place where it creates concerns is when a member is using it in a power over way. You know i am all about people figuring out how to love each other as peers. And having been lovers with serious meditation teachers (you) i can vouch for your statement. It is quite a different experience.

      Paxus at Twin Oaks
      7 No Restart 2KXI

  4. jim adams says :

    being foxy is a feminine trait that is the gender equivalent of wolfing … using feminine wiles (including dressing the part ) and yes, using sex to get what she wants. I’ve seen it a number of times in my 20 years in both communes, And it is what i think Premin was talking about.

    So, tho i like the word FOXXING, i think it is already taken. Remember, foxes are predators too. So what is another word that has mutualism in it, + authenticity, compersion, … and desire, if you want??
    asks jim

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