Hard Break

i have this friend, i’ll call him Morgan, and he lied to me.

This was not one of those little white lies which are rumored to cause no harm.  This was a big, ugly lie which resulted in me getting furious with people who were completely innocent of any wrong doing and almost permanently damaging other relationships which were already frayed.

and good luck

This is a friend who i had helped out in a couple of  jams and someone who on more than one occasion had been there for me as well.  This is what friends do for each other.  And Sara felt like i had been enabling some of Morgan’s bad behavior, i can see this.

When i was getting upset with Morgan during this hard break up yesterday, saying that i did not want to talk with him again and did not want him to ask me for help again, it was physically hurting me.  i hate this.  And i can’t make it work with someone who is not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes and instead is trying to blame others.

So what is the take away (so i am not just complaining)?  i am not exactly sure.  Perhaps it is about being more sensitive to relationships becoming imbalanced – where i am giving much more to it than my friend.  Perhaps it is about listening to my intimates counsel on the quality of the character of people they are critical of.  I am still figuring this out. And still hurting.

About paxus

a funologist, memeticist and revolutionary. Can be found in the vanity bin of Wikipedia and in locations of imminent calamity. buckle up, there is going to be some rough sledding.

4 responses to “Hard Break”

  1. Kenna J says :

    Dear Pax,

    I struggle with the idea that there is a lesson in everything. I used to think there was, but now I am not so sure. Now, I think maybe sometimes you can have done everything, everything right, and someone just takes advantage of you. There’s no lesson, then, and taking one away is a bad idea because it would only leave you bitter. All you can do is complain and move on.

    That’s my current hypothesis: that there are lousy situations that bear no wisdom or deeper meaning.

    If you come up with a takeaway, good for you. Please continue to teach us all.


    • paxus says :

      Dearest Kenna:

      Even if there is no specific take away, i find myself thinking deeper about my choices and that generic gift helps makes the mistake into a learning experience.

      Paxus at Twin Oaks
      6 Early Flowers 2012

  2. mirabai says :

    good morning pax. my last lover, who i met at the new culture summer camp, turned out to be a lying, manipulating and very sick man who presented himself as honest. we worked out a relationship covenant that dealt with honesty again and again. turned out he lied and lied to me, his employer, his mother, his other lover, and other friends. now he tells me he is over the dishonesty thing and is now honest!! haha! i wish it were so easy. we don’t talk or communicate at all any more. i don’t believe 3 words out of his mouth and that doesn’t work for me when i want real relationships with real honesty. the thing that sucks with it all is that now i have issues i need to deal with around this and it has become part of my baggage. another fucking growth opportunity. and i guess i’m grateful for it…..i guess….
    much love to you,

  3. paxus says :

    Dearest Mirabai:

    Thank you for telling this story. i presume that you took distance ultimately to protect yourself fro this behavior, yet you are still at least in some leave of communication. How does that work?

    Paxus at Twin Oaks
    6 Early Flowers 2012

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