i am part of a secret Facebook polyamory group. Some of the people, for lots of different legitimate, (though often sad), reasons can not be public with their sexual identity. The other day a new person was added to the group and the way they were introduced is with a link to their OKCupid profile. i clicked thru to look at the profile and was told that i could not see it, because i did not have a profile on OKCupid myself. i had been thinking about making a profile for a while, not because i need more romantic relationships, but because i believe the platform is extremely powerful and i wanted to understand it better. So this restriction set me to crafting one for myself.
i have lots of profiles. i have a Facebook one, a LinkedIn one, i have both the official one on wikipedia and the banned one (which is much better). So i did not think it would be a big deal to craft one for OKC (as it is often abbreviated). i was, once again, completely wrong.
The first thing that happened was OKC matched me up with a gal from Twin Oaks, who while i quite like her, would be a terrible romantic partner and both of us knew this instantly. And she is not polyamorous.
OKcupid had a lot of trouble matching me to anyone else. i thought at first this was because of my age, and being married, and being poly and being located out in the middle of no where. But again i was wrong.
Cassandra looked at my profile and started to tell me all the things that were wrong with it. i realized that i had done it poorly and she offered to help fix it, including answering questions for me to filter out non-poly people from finding high matches with me. Unsurprisingly, after she answered a bunch of questions for me hers and my profiles matched much better. She also added a bunch of pictures and edited my bio and other identity questions.
And then once Cassandra made these enhancements i started to get more people responding to my profile, despite the basic information still being the same. i did not even see that Cassandra had put in this beautiful picture (which she took) of Mac and i kissing.
One of the women responding to my profile asked if including this image actually helped me find new intimates. When she asked i was unaware the picture was on my profile, but i assure her that it did work effectively as a filter for people who have jealousy problems – which would be a total deal breaker for someone thinking of getting involved with me.
So now that i have worked with OKCupid for a while, i have a less rarefied attitude towards it. Many of the questions are weak, it has been bought out by Match.com, so there are endless ads on it. And while i am not actually looking for a new girlfriend it is a bit depressing to see myself so poorly matched.
But i am going on a double date with Mac and Cassandra and her partner tomorrow. It turns out Cassandra and i have a high match.
About paxusa funologist, memeticist and revolutionary. Can be found in the vanity bin of Wikipedia and in locations of imminent calamity. buckle up, there is going to be some rough sledding.
4 responses to “Digital Dating”
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- Edge of Wisdom Story | your passport to complaining - August 26, 2013
- OK Cupid Blues and Greens | your passport to complaining - April 12, 2014
- 96% match | your passport to complaining - May 12, 2014
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OKCupid has been a been a complete waste of time for me. The system has not once matched me with anyone compatible, and the algorithm doesn’t seem to grok its own rules. When you answer a question, you also rate the acceptability of possible answers. One of the questions is about polyamory, and I rate all answers other than positive ones (that they’re into it or open to it) as unacceptable. That should completely rule out people who answer that they can’t handle it.
Like you, Pax, I’ve also been matched with people I know, people I adore even, but with whom would produce a disastrous romantic relationship.
Worse, I’ve come to realize how many right-wing queers there are in so-called liberal Western North Carolina. I’m shocked at how many gay men favor book-burning over flag-burning (even supporting an amendment to the First Amendment so as to ban the burning of the US flag) and are opposed to abortion in any situation. People with those attitudes are completely incompatible with me and should never even show up in my “quiver.”