Selecting New Members: Deal Breakers and the Magic Wand Question

One of the central defining characteristics of an intentional community is that the people who live at the place select the new members. This is not done by a real estate agent or some faceless credit check bureau. This intentionality comes at a cost, you have to know what you want and you have to know how to interview prospective members so your membership process works well. I recommend three pieces to this approach:

1. Deal breakers – if they are a good conversationalist, charming and do their chores are you willing to take someone who has a radically different faith than you do? What about someone who smokes pot? Or does harder drugs? Or is recovering from drugs? What about some intolerance?

What types of behavior are okay with your community?

2. Be sure to ask the “magic wand question“. After the prospective new member has visited the community and you are in your interview, ask them what the thing they most would like to change about the community is. If answered honestly, you will have a strong insight into how this person will deal with the transition to community and longevity in staying. If it is deceptive answer, you can almost always tell right away, And if they say the place is perfect, you are encouraged to stand on your soup box and remind them at length why it is not so.

3. “Know when to hold them, know when to fold them.” Almost every community i have visited has some type of expulsion policy. These communities come in two types. Communities that saw this was going to be a need and put policy in place early (often to protect the rights of the person being expelled) or those which did not craft policy, and then had a person who need to be expelled and then had a nightmarish time with members who are friends trying to stop the process or deny the need. Because it can be tricky, i recommend newly formed communities prioritize expulsion as the first policy.

Expulsion can be messy